Continuing the spirit of my previous post, I’ve got 123 photos to go in my
365 project, and here are some of the photos I want to take.. (links are to tag searches, so the results will change as I upload/tag more photos).
Last year I decided that resolutions weren’t the way to go. They are often largely negative or too woolly to be useful, and I reckon that the depth of winter is a really bad time to take up something new or try to change a habit.
Instead I came up with a list of targets I was aiming for across the year (and I managed all but one of them too – yay!)
On reflection, I think the language of ‘targets’ is altogether too business driven, so this year I’m going to have a list of ambitions, or a picture of where I want to be in 12 months time. I’m still going to do it as a list though.
That last one is obviously a bit tricky to measure (and would need to be measured by someone else), but is nevertheless an ongoing goal of mine.
There are some more personal ones too, working on some of my character flaws and imperfections (yes, I do have some!), but I don’t think it’s appropriate to share these here (and even if it was, I’m not going to)!! I am 95% of the way to putting up my Personal Life Statement up (as developed doing Growing Leaders last year), but I’ve not quite mustered up the courage yet…
I’m not planning to make any inroads to my broader ambitions in life this year (although I did ‘accidently’ manage one of them last year – win a prize for a photo), but they remain largely unchanged since the list time I enumerated (in 2006). I’ve dropped Python, but added portrait photography.
So that’s it. Hoping that 2012 brings peace and blessing to us all.
As is my wont, I’ve decided to pick over my tweets of 2011, and present edited highlights right here, right now.
So without further ado, I give you 2011 (with typos corrected!):
Well, that’s 2011 nearly over. While perhaps a little early for a comprehensive review,
it’s certainly been an event filled year. In fact, I’ve struggled to fit the whole year into just 200 photos for the album, although that may me more a reflection of the fact I’m generally taking more photos these days (thanks to my 365).
At dinner last night, we were thinking back over some of the high and low points of the year, and in some cases the same event was both a high and a low!
The thing that perhaps springs most readily to mind for me is my 365. I’ve always enjoyed photography, and have always had a reasonable eye – but taking at least 1 photo every day for the last 235 days has really sharpened my technique and deepened my understanding of the camera. The biggest surprise is arguably that almost every photo has been taken with my 50mm prime. A few years ago I only had eyes for zoom lens, especially LONG zoom lens, and the kit lens never left my camera. Now my first priority is speed and sharpness – and I think I actually prefer having to physically move around to get the composition I want!
The ‘nifty fifty’ has spoiled me in a way, as I’m now very dissatisifed with the performance of my 75-300m lens, which I used to love. It’s great for candid, but oh so slow and soft.
I also feel like I’m bouncing against the limits of my camera – in terms of AF points, speed of operation, noise, and exposure calculations. I’m also starting to wish my flash had manual control. On the other hand, while it ‘only’ has 6.3 MP this has been fine for my purposes (although 18 would be nice…) Plus I can store 10 year’s worth of photos in 30Gb.
My next lens purchase, should money be no object, would definitely be a macro lens, probably
Canon EF 100mm f/2.8 Macro USM Lens
After that it would have to be an L series zoom, such as
Canon EF 70-200mm f/4.0 L USM Lens
or if money really were no object
Canon EF 100-400mm f4.5-5.6L IS USM Telephoto Zoom Lens for Canon SLR Cameras
I’d probably try and get hold of a Canon EOS 7D Digital SLR Camera (Body Only)
Still, none of this is happening in the real world – my lens fund is currently running at minus -รโรยฃ25 (because my old nifty fifty fell foul of some sand and/or a drop), and I decided to get myself a Danboard model for my 365 with my Christmas money. It may help you understand my motiviation if you look at an example of someone doing danboard photos.
Anyway, proper review of 2011 and look forward to 2012 in due course – but I needed to sneak in another post this year to hit my target of 50!
One of the most inspiring books I’ve ever read is Contemplative Youth Ministry: Practicing the Presence of Jesus with Young People (link is to Amazon). In fact, I think it should be compulsary reading for all Christians!
While heavily focussed on Youth Ministry (dur!), it’s actually packed full of important principles to do with slowing down, contemplating and reflecting on things more, and moving away from being anxiety driven, and it applies across the board.
One point that has particularly stuck with me is the way that, at times, ministry is turned on its head. In particular, the point is made that you may be a youth minister not so much because of how you can ministry to the kids, but rather because God wants to work on you through it.
In fact, I’m going to copy out the pertinent paragraph
Can we see that maybe the reason God has drawn us into ministry with young people isn’t because we have something to offer, but because there is something we need to receive? … Maybe youth ministry is your spiritual discipline. It’s not just a place where you serve, it’s a place where you are being transformed, healed, and made new.
Mark Yaconelli (2006) Contemplative Youth Ministry – Practising the presence of Jesus with young people. SPCK. pg 91.
The reason I blog about this today is that a very similar point was made in yesterday’s CMF devotional. I will quote the first two paragraphs:
I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. Jn 15:5 (NIV)
Preparing to spend time working abroad. I received a letter from a missionary friend of mine. It made me stop to think.
Remember,the letter went,that the Lord is putting you into this situation, not primarily for what you can do, but because of his plans for you. His first concern is the growth of your relationship with him.Here was a rather different perspective from my own thoughts along the lines of how much I could contribute, with my training, in the Lord’s name, and how I would be able to demonstrate his love practically. But his plans for me concerned teaching me to depend on him, the truth attested to in the verse above, and seen in its practical reality in the biographies of many pioneers in missionary work.
Like this writer say, God’s first agenda for me – as an individual – is my relationship with Him and my dependence on Him. To some extent, any ministry I undertake is primarily to this end. Why God chooses to make us His ‘plan A’ (when He could just click His fingers) I’m not sure, but He seems to.
The writer goes on the apply it not just to oversees mission, or indeed any ministry, but rather our day to day situation. Do I see my job as the means through while God will increase my dependence on Him and deepen our relationship? I am getting better at letting God’s business be His business, and only concerning myself with the part He’s called me to play.
I’ve been thinking a bit about what I wrote last time, and how emotions can’t be trusted.
The chief spark for that post was when someone in a film says I’ve never felt this way before,
and how I might argue that this is not necessarily a good thing!
However as I’ve reflected upon it, I realise that there are occasions when emotions do trump logic and reason. Love is (also) an emotion, and I would never have married my wife if I hadn’t felt that I was in love with her (as well as choosing to love her). When it comes to conscience and ethics, these are largely emotional rather than logical issues – although I would contend that there is a reason ‘underneath’ every ethical issue, it might just be too deep to understand.
Consider death. We all die, sooner or later – what therefore is the logic objection, say, murder? Or perhaps more ambiguously, why would we feel bad killing one person in order to save the lives of tens or hundreds?
Or faithfulness. Why shouldn’t we sleep with someone else just because we’re already in a relationship with someone else? Along the same lines, what’s the big deal with fibbing?
To be clear, I’m not supporting these activities – I believe they are all wrong – but fundamentally that belief is based on emotion rather than reason. We can try and dig a bit deeper. If we cheat, then it destroys trust. Without trust you cannot have a healthy relationship. As a race, we have only been able to achieve what we have achieved through trust. The Apollo 11 crew trusted mission control with their lives. I trust that the other road users aren’t going to run me over on my bike everyday.
Perhaps more contentiously, I think that whenever Christian values are set aside the inevitable result is the breakdown of society. In other words, that God kind of knew what he was doing when he set up the 10 commandments. Please don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting for a minute that ethics and moral values are restricted to Christians or Christianity (or Judaism). What I am saying is that they are a pre-requsite of Christianity, and that we discard them at our peril. Obviously the Bible was written down, copied, and translated by fallable humans, and we must tread carefully – especially with the Torah. That said, there are clear overarching themes about caring for one another, selflessness and honesty, and stewardship of the Earth we do well to heed.
I guess it’s a trust thing. Some of the ‘rules’ we can understand, some are harder. But all are good.
Emotions are lent surprising weight, aren’t they? What we feel at any given point in time we perceive as reality. This is surprising because we know, intellectually, how quickly emotions change, and how we can rapidly switch to an ‘opposite’ emotion as events or facts come to light.
I think this is part of the problem when it comes to sin, and particularly sins of (emotional) gratification. Let’s say I have a particular weakness for smarties (work with me here). I eat more of them then I should, and I eat them when I’m feeling down and want to perk up.
At first it’s easy to resist them. Walk straight past the shop. Don’t go into that particular cupboard. It’s wrong to eat them.
However, time goes by. The perceived need for smarties increases, and doubts start to creep in. Come on, it’s only a smartie.
. It doesn’t hurt anybody if I have a smartie.
It’s not like I’m eating a toblerone or something like that.
. It’s been an awful day, and I need a pick-me-up.
Shortly after, the emotional switch occurs. It feels wrong
becomes It doesn’t feel wrong.
At this point there is a choice, we either believe our emotion and re-assess our stance on the sinfulness of smarties, or we don’t.
Let’s say we decide smarties aren’t a sin after all (or possibly that want one so badly that we don’t care!). We go to the shop, buy a tube, and scoff the lot. The other way this story runs is I know a whole tube of smartess is bad for me, so I’ll just have one…
Of course the reality is we don’t just have one.
Either way, the immediate ‘need’ sated, the truth dawns. Smarties are wrong. I’ve damaged my relationship with God and those around me. The Holy Spirit convicts us, and leads us to repentance. This process may take variable lengths of time, and it may be we turn back just before the first smartie, or only after 5 tubes. One of the signs of Christian maturity is a diminishing time gap between sin and repentance.
R.T. Kendall put it like this:
When the Spirit is absent, our excuses always seem right, but in the presence of the Spirit our excuses fade away.
Of course, smartees aren’t wrong, but you can substitute any particular weakness that comes between us and God; pornography, affairs, over/under-eating, smoking, over-drinking, drugs, lying, stealing, etc.
The insidious slippery slope also applies in all of these. I’m only looking at an underwear catalogue, for a present for my girlfriend,
I’m only flirting with them, it’s not going to go anywhere,
, I shouldn’t have a pud, but .. go on then,
I only smoke socially,
Oh ok – just one more drink.
Of course none of these are black and white either! God made men and women beautiful, and sex is a fantastic and wonderful gift. To admire someone’s beauty honours them and God. Similarly friendship and affection are important part of relationships, and to make someone feel better about themselves is ok. Food is essential, can be tasty and amazing, and shared meals are like oxygen to relationships. Once we drift into eating disorders and addictions the territory obviously changes again.
The thing that most depresses and frustrates me is that I eat a tube of smartees, throw myself on God’s mercy and receive his forgiveness… but then next time around manage to persuade myself that actually, in this particular situation, smartees are ok, and eat another tube. And so it goes on. More positively, the gap gets smaller and vanishes, and ultimately smarties no longer have such a hold in my life. Then God turns the spotlight onto my Dorito habit. We know that perfection and freedom from sin is the ultimate goal, and also that it’s not going to happen this side of glory.
I guess Paul is talking about this in Romans 7:
I want to do what is good, but I don’t do it. I don’t do the good that I want to do. I do the evil that I don’t want to do.
Which brings me to the title of this post. How many times in books, films, and songs to we hear a character say I’ve never felt this way before
. This in itself is fine, and may or may not be true. The problem is the deductive step that follows …therefore, whatever I’ve felt in the past hasn’t been real, and nothing I feel in the future could be more real.
In the words of Donna Summer This time I know it’s for real
.
How can we delude ourself in this way, particularly in the sphere of relationships?
How can someone leave one relationship for another, on the basis that they feel more in love with the new person? How can you profess eternal undying love for someone when that commitment is based on the assumption that you will always feel the same for them, and will never feel more strongly for anyone else?
It’s like at school. You feel you work really hard, and couldn’t work any harder. Then you go to university, and suddenly you’re having to work really hard, and have no free time. Then you start work, and realise that you had masses of free-time as a student, and now you don’t have any. Then you have children, and truly discover what it means to have no free time. Then you look to third-world countries, where the people have to work all day every day just to gather food and water for that day.
I’ll finish with another qualification. Of course there are souls brought up in dysfunctional families (for example) who have never known true love and affection. Or those in abusive relationships who believe that certain patterns of behaviour are normal. Clearly in this instance the revelation regarding what love can mean and feel like is real and true.
Right, wrote rather more than I intended. Might have to pop out to get some smarties now…
While I’m not mad about the whole “x sleeps” thing that seems to have taken hold, inevitably at this time of year thoughts turn to Advent and Christmas (and it’s only 36 sleeps to that great celebration).
However, I still have 41 days to try and achieve my ambitions for 2011. One is now basically impossible (climbing), others are well and truly in the bag. A few more have a final little sprint..
But enough waffle, here are the scores!
Mini tiramisu cakesand
Treacle Tartas my two new dishes.
At the time I acknowledged it wasn’t a very ambitious list, although I am disappointed I couldn’t manage to climb twice a month.
I’ve felt that having ambitions is a far more positive thing then resolutions, and I believe I shall continue in 2012.
Wow – I’m halfway through my 365/6 project.
Yesterday was my 183rd photo, dedicated to Space Dog in his capsule:
I have to say it has been an absolute pleasure. None of these photos have been a chore. There have been varying degrees of effort put in for sure, and large variation in quality, but I have enjoyed even single one.
In fact, I don’t think I’m going to stop on the 8th May 2012!
There’s a pair of Red Kites who cruise around over Harrogate fairly regularly.
They are complete teases though, because they never circle for long enough for me to get my camera and long lens. I am determined to get a decent photo, but have so far been thwarted.
Out on a walk this afternoon came the closest yet, but sadly only had my 50mm lens on, so the results are fairly hopeless. Still, here’s what I managed, with a cropped version too.
