The Psalms seem to speak into our situations very often..
Though my flesh and my heart fail me,
God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever.
I certainly do feel like my flesh and my heart have failed me, and yet somehow God is our strength in the midst of it all.
They say that “it isn’t over until the Fat Lady sings,” and what a true word that is. Everything can seem to be perfectly in place and heading towards resolution, when suddenly a whole new plot-line comes along in (what you thought was) the final act, and it turns out the play might only just be begining!!
Then again, wouldn’t life be dull if it always went to plan?
Basic Types of Pastoral Care and Counselling, Howard Clinebell, SCM Press, 1984.
A very interesting and helpful book – quite daunting in many ways, but very illuminating as to the particular pastoral role that clergy have, and the crisis points that we all face in life. This is clearly a book that needs proper study to get the most from it, as it is fairly practical. There are a number of techniques presented on how to listen and counsel effectively, and good ideas for practical responses in a church setting. These include;
And many others; indeed this book is full of 8 or 9 point lists/breakdowns.
However, I had several problems with it. Firstly, I found it one-dimensional to a fault about the role of the pastor. The author seemed to say by far the most important – if not only role – of a pastor was in pastoral care and counselling. Of course this was a book on pastoral care, so this emphasis is expected – and I suspect he is right in saying this is a vital aspect of ordainded ministry that must be taken seriously and training sought.
Secondly, the author seemed to have bought wholesale into secular pyschotherapy without really balancing the need for personal wholeness against the fact we serve a holy God who depands holiness. This comes across most clearly in the area of sex, where he is apparently saying any committed relationship (co-habiting, homosexual, etc) is morally equivalent to marriage. I may have got the wrong end of the stick, and he was rather emphasising the important of uncritical acceptance of the person when counselling. My over-riding impression was more along the lines of “isn’t it great we’re free from the oppression of traditional hetreosexual monogamous relationships”, although I’m very much putting words in his mouth. Another example is actively encouraging “Eastern body disciplines” – e.g. yoga, T’ai chi, without any hint there may be an unhealthy spiritual dimension to these activities.
My last reservation is he seemed to drift off into “mumbo-jumbo”. Easiest to quote here:
The self of everyday experience is not our ultimate identity. It is a reflection of our transpersonal Self. Pyschosynthesis regards this higher Self as our creative center and essence. Making this true Self the integrating center for our being is the primary goal of therapy. The fundamental resources for growth come from the higher Self, which has potent superconcious spiritual energies, with a transforming, regenerating influence on the whole personality. The Self is the source of inner wisdom and the therapist’s main ally. (ch 15, pg 388)
and again
Finally, it is liberating to remember that all healing and all growth are gifts of the creative Spirit of life whom we call God.
… at best a counselor is a finite and often fractured channel for the healing power of the universe! (ch 17, pg 429).
Of course this perspective is coloured by my own prejudices, and I could hardly review a book that majors on self-awareness without acknowledging this – but it still made my spirit uncomfortable.
Nevertheless a very insightful and useful book that has broadened my understanding of pastoral care and counselling, and the very special role the church has in ministering to a broken world.
Funny old thing – we bought this house 4 1/2 years ago, knowing it was never going to be our ‘ultimate’ family home, and also knowing it was in a bit of a state (“in need of modernisation” according to the estate agents). I fully concede that we expected to have finished “modernising” the house sooner than 2 weeks ago, but there we go. So the estate agent came around to value it this morning, so we spent considerable effect yesterday “staging” the house – de-cluttering, cleaning, tidying, etc..
Please don’t interpret amazement as arrogance – but it looks fantastic. It’s stylish, clean, smart – really well presented. And we both hate it!!!! Suddenly it’s a boring/stuffy/formal house, not our home that we’ve grown to love. There’s none of little “ownership” stuff, like half drunk cups of tea, or journals, or toy cars. The dining room actually looks like a proper dining room, instead of the useful general dumping ground that can be blitzed to provide eating space if friends are coming round.
I know that this is the whole point of staging a house, so it looks attractive and fresh, and like it can be instantly lived in – but it’s a little bit sad, to be honest. We’ve taken a deliberate view that we’re not trying to “sell a lifestyle” – you’re apparently supposed to buy expensive stuff and try and sell the lie “if you live here, you’ll lifestyle will be like this”. But it’s still only sensible to maximise it’s appeal as a house that a buyer can turn into a home, which does mean removing much of our “ownership”. To be blunt, it’s a really nice house to live in, and one which we’re both going to miss.
I guess the other thing going on is that this is quite possibly the last house that we’ll live in and own until I retire in 35 (or so) years time.
Another proud parent entry. Well actually it’s a parenting anecdote.
I try and to tell Ben a lot that I love him, and I have a little spiel every night at bedtime that’s something like “Night night Ben, love you lots, God bless you, and sleep tight.” Anyway, a couple of nights ago, I got as far as “love you lots”, and the little voice squeaks out
“Love you Daddy.”
Momentous occasion – 2 1/2 years old, and he’s just told me for the first time that he loves me. My little heart melts, but also catches in my throat… I’m not the only parent in the room. Will he… will he…
“Love you Mummy.”
Ah bliss – my joy is complete. He has told us both that he loves us!
But wait; apparently there’s more?
“Love you curtains”
“Love you mirror”
…
Maybe next time, eh?
I feel like such a Hermione Granger; I’ve managed to find nearly all the books on the reading list (at least for the 1st year modules), and have no reason to think I won’t have skim read all of them by the start of term. It does help that I work at a university with a theology department, and hence had many of the books in the library!
Current book is Basic Types of Pastoral Care and Counselling, by Howard Clinebell, which so far has been very interesting. I think the pastoral side is one of the weaker aspects of my ministry, and hence something that will need more work on during training. There was a very interesting line in the book that leapt out at me:
The choice is not between counseling and not counseling, but between counseling in a disciplined and skilled way and counseling in an undisciplined and unskilled way.
(actually it would seem this is a quote from Wayne Oates, An Introduction to Pastoral Counselling, 1959)
God’s been speaking to me about waiting recently – both waiting on Him and spending time with Him, but also what goes on when we wait. Interestingly, I’m speaking at church tomorrow on Acts 1:15-23, which is about the believers waiting in Jerusalem for the Holy Spirit to fall. It’s actually amazing how much waiting there is in the bible when you get down to it!
Being a good evangelical, I came up with with 4 “T”s as to what a period of waiting might be about:
Is God trying to tell us something? Perhaps about unconfessed sin or disobedience, or perhaps some other message.
God has a plan, and perhaps the time is not yet right?
Are we serious about what we’re asking?
Patience is a gift of the spirit (Gal 5:22) and part of the nature of God (e.e. Psalm 145: “The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love”.
One of the outcomes of A.’s and my personal period of waiting for her recovery is that we now spend 10 or 15 minutes every day just listening to God together – spending time with Him as a couple. I’m ashamed to admit it’s taken over 6 years of marriage to get this point! But there are amazing times – in only a few days of doing it, God has spoken to us, and even when he doesn’t say anything, I feel so much closer to Him and A. as a result. Our vicar was encouraging us to “drink together”, and I think we’re finally starting to do it.
On a different note, I’m very excited because I got the reading list from Trinity College yesterday. Utterly bamboozled by the modules to choose from and books to read, but I’m hugely excited. Hopefully I can borrow most off the library at work, or friends at church, but I’ve already ordered 2 that look like they would be very useful reference book. I guess I’ll need to start a folder to scribble down notes about each one!
Had a trip to Ikea on Wednesday, to buy up some bits and pieces for the house. By three-quarters of the way round I’d decided I’d become a zen master of self-control, as I hadn’t got anything which wasn’t on my list…
… ’till a pot-plant leapt out at me that was just perfect for the spare room. Sigh.
Actually I still felt pretty good, because the plant was nearly on the list anyway (we knew we needed one, but hadn’t planned on getting it from Ikea) – plus they didn’t have one of the other items that was on the list, so I ended up spending less than I’d originally planned.
Can’t say I wasn’t very tempted by a whole host of fiddle-faddle, mind!
Been listening to our Eurovision Song entry for this year – catchy little number, isn’t it? I’ve not caught all the lyrics yet, but it would appear to be sung by a bunch of school-kids complaining about the teachers not being in a good position to teach them because “it’s a long time since they’ve had a teenage life” (more or less).
At first glance this is a very appealing argument – “you’ve got no idea what we’re going through – it’s so easy for you to stand at the front and spout out stuff.” It seems to me that a second glance almost completely demolishes this line of thinking. If we’re talking about education, that is the passing on of knowledge to the next generation and equipping with skills for life, then it seems to be “a long time since a teenage life” is exactly the right qualification.
Don’t get me wrong – I can still remember the angst-ridden depths of teenagedom, and it’s absolutely vital for teachers to build meaningful, understanding relationship with their pupils – but actually a bit of life experience brings a wider perspective; At the end of the day the (at the time) absolute unmitigated diasters and inconsolable heartbreak I had as a young man weren’t that bad in retrospect, and I actually survived them!
One also has to ask the question of whether someone prone to mood-swings, hyperactive sex-drive, “whole world is against me”, “no-one understands me” etc etc is really who you’d want in a position of authority over you? Clearly some young people are more mature than others, and I’m as guilty of stereoptyping as the song-writers, but I think my point is valid.
Of course, then there’s the academic question – the whole point is to learn… Now I’m biased here because I love learning, and on that front really enjoyed school: but actually if you’re going to be taught you want someone to teach you who is (a) passionate about their subject, and (b) studied it in depth themselves. Not very many teenagers have a degree in any subject!
Of course there are poor teachers, who fail to inspire or control the class, and there are poor schools which must be a nightmare to attend. I think the pressures of sex, drugs, and violence are much clearer even then when I was at school. And of course some school-children have extremely difficult personal circumstances. And I am 100% behind peer teaching, especially in a committed and interested group like a Church youth group. I’d go so far as to say I’d be disappointed if members of a (especially older) youth group weren’t leading sessions. But to imagine a school setup with entirely school-age teachers would end up as anything other than Lord of the Flies is very short-sighted, I reckon.
Still, hope we win tomorrow.
For some reason, Morning Prayer has jumped across to Numbers – but is there the first reported case of Bird Flu here?
Then a wind went out from the Lord, and it brought quails from the sea and let them fall beside the camp, about a day’s journey on this side and a day’s journey on the other side, all around the camp, about two cubits deep on the ground. So the people worked all that day and night and all the next day, gathering the quails; the least anyone gathered was ten homers; and they spread them out for themselves all around the camp. But while the meat was still between their teeth, before it was consumed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord struck the people with a very great plague.
Actually the context of this is interesting – Moses has having a rough time and wanted to jack it all in, so God told him to appoint 70 elders to help him look after the people. It’s another example of getting right to the end of our tether, then God stepping in with the solution.
As for the Bird Flu; 2 days is probably pretty fast for incubation… unless of course the meat was hung for a bit before they started to eat it?